Excellent Joe

Hurricanes blow… and suck. Our future lies in the hands of Anderson Cooper who will surely tie himself to a hotel rooftop and brave the storm for the mortal masses. Surprisingly,  however, the 360 degree live coverage of screaming in the wind and rain will have many lulls. Digitally animated worst-case scenarios of German tourists canoeing down Broadway will definitely spike the attention-o-meter, but we’ll need more to keep us tuned in, and that red CNN rain slicker ain’t going to cut it. Anderson needs to wear something that is less staged-media-monster and more on-his-way-to-the-Hamptons-and-now-this. Something that will get the tweeting world a-tingling.  Wet suede sneakers. Mysterious green jacket. Foreign languages on t-shirt. What’s it all mean? Something about hurricane safety, right?

TRENDS:

Long Sleeve Polos: Steven Alan Cropped Collar Polo $98.00
Harrington-inspired Shells: The Tiburon Jacket at Unionmade $180.00
Global Conscious Graphic Tees: Apolis Defend Tomorrow T-Shirt $58.00
Slim Fit Trousers: J.Crew Stanton Chino in 484 Slim Fit $75.00
Suede Shoes & Sneakers: Nike for J.Crew Vintage Collection Suede Tennies $90.00

With the official first day of spring just a few weeks away, you may look out your window and think that it’s never going to happen. Winter in many parts of the country (especially mine) has been a series of ice storms, snow showers, and swearing at strangers since December.  Last week, the School Board of Ohio voted to change the official color of the sky from blue to gray, citing that 73% of the year is overcast, not to mention overwhelmingly dismal. But you don’t have to be like that grimy misfit chunk of ice that finds a way to dodge the sun and stay frozen well into April. This is a time when denial can be your best friend.  Think warm, and it will come… maybe.

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Chances are you will be attending a few gatherings this month that are vaguely connected to the birth of Baby Jesus. Come Judgement Day, would you feel comfortable telling the world that you could get by in… khakis? Good luck. On the contrary, we’ve prepared quite the holiday party look that was designed for full-throttle yuletide cheer.  It will take you from monopolizing the punch bowl to swinging from the rafters to passing out on the coat bed to treating the graciously understanding host to brunch the next day.  Amen.

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What screams autumn more than the tailgating tradition of getting drunk out of the back of your car?  And why relegate this parked party to only sporting events?  Offset your beloved inner meathead with something less obnoxious like a foliage hike or an apple picking excursion, two day trips worthy of an afternoon aperitif.

TRENDS

Fairisle Sweaters: Woolrich John Rich and Bros. Fairisle Crew at Blackbird $245.00

Treat this fairisle like a sweatshirt; it looks great peeking out of vests and jackets or wrapped around your waist.  You want to send the classic and fun message, not the uptight douche bag one.  It’s also perfect for diverting tailgating guests away from your soon-to-be ex who’s ralphing behind the car after six-too-many Apple Smashers.

Corduroy Trousers: J.Crew Bowery Cord $69.50

Fall is always corduroy season, but this year it’s out of control in every silhouette: trousers, shirts, jackets, and suits from mini to wide wale. If your jeans and chinos took a vacation together, they’d recommend these cord trousers to fill in while they were gone. (Don’t forget to tuck them into your boots.)

Chambray Shirts: Gap Chambray Shirt $49.50

Chambray shirts are still going strong in various levels of tooth and texture.  It’s like a solid shirt with a lot of attitude.  More rugged, less slick if you will.  And we just might.

Vests: North Face Redpoint Vest $99.00

This nylon vest updates the look with a layer of sporty, dull shine that plays well off the knitted vintage fairisle pattern.  The quilting is moderately insulated to keep you warm without making you look like you’re trying to smuggle a spare tire into the stadium.

Artisanal Heritage Boots: L.L. Bean Boot $149.00

As the theory goes, the only survivors of a nuclear war would be cockroaches, Cher, and Bean boots. These booticus indestructos will keep your feet cozy and dry through even the most miserably wet parking lot fields. Puddle jumping demonstrations will amaze and annoy your friends. This season’s twist is a black leather upper.

Meet the English professor who can literally and figuratively kick your ass.  It’s a nice balance of brains and brawn as classic menswear pieces are upgraded with rugged details: a tweed blazer with pleated flap pockets, a waxed canvas briefcase with chunky leather trim.  Layer that with denim and work boots, and you’ve got a look that will take you from tea time at the English library to center stage at the axe throwing awards banquet.

TRENDS

Checks and Tattersalls: J.Crew Secret Wash Button Down $59.50

Classic small scale pattern acts as a nice, crisp texture against the rougher textures in the blazer and denim.  It’s a sure sign that you weren’t raised by wolves.

Raw Selvedge Denim: Tellason at Unionmade $198.00

Tellason is a super high-quality, made in America denim brand that even the most snooty denim geeks applaud. (And trust us: denim geeks can be real bitches.)

Work Boots: Red Wing 6″ Moc $244.00

The key to these boots is to downplay the possible hick reference by upgrading them with a briefcase and blazer, both icons of higher education.  Unfortunately, this trick has no affect on one’s actual intelligence and may render someone dishonest.

Rugged BriefCases: Billykirk Waxed Cotton with Leather Trim at Revolve $330.00

This briefcase hates corporate America.  If it were a graphic tee, it would say, “I’d rather be writing a novel in Maine.”

Tweed Blazers: L.L. Bean Signature Wool Blazer $195.00

Blazers have been typecast!  Think of this one as a lighter weight coat, and everything will fall into place.  Wear it every day and never for looking dressed up but just as something to keep out the chill. After a few weeks, it will be that stray dog you never wanted to keep but can no longer live without.

This look is perfect for the person who would rather sit shotgun than actually use one to blow away a squirrel or a duck.  Enter the pseudo-outdoorsman on his way to the movies.

TRENDS:

Vests: J.Crew Merino Solid Vest $45.00

For some reason sweater vests remind us of fifth grade on Picture Day.  Today, however, we like them as a second layer that won’t make you overheat with a jacket overtop.  Plus, you can show off more of your shirt’s pattern with the exposed sleeves.

Wool Shirt Jackets: Filson Mackinaw Cruiser $279.50

Filson says this jacket was originally designed for timber cruisers during long, cold days in the woods. Although we’re not well-versed in timber cruiser arts, we’re guessing this occupation has a high turnover rate based on the miserability index.  On the other hand, we can think of a million other things we’d rather be doing in this jacket…like eating popcorn in a cinema.  Don’t make it hard on yourself.

Artisanal Heritage Boots: Wolverine 1000 Mile Boot at Need Supply $325.00

There are so many great pairs of boots this season, and they all fall into the same genre that we’re calling Artisanal Heritage. They have a hand-made, vintage feel with a gentleman’s workboot attitude: think Paul Bunyan on date night. This particular boot was originally made over 125 years ago and is still being made in America.  Respect.

Raw Denim: Levi’s Matchstick Jeans – Kaihara Selvedge $128.00

Selvedge raw denim is rough, rigid and on all the right people.  It speaks to this early American hard-working-we-built-it-ourselves mentality when raw denim was the only option and purchasing pre-distressed would seem ludicrous.  You owe it to your country to do the right thing.

Outdoorsman Plaids: Steven Alan Fall Reverse Seam L/S Inside Pocket $198.00

Plaids are still here. If we were talking about movie sequels, this season would be called The Return of the Revenge of Plaids 16.  So in order to keep them feeling fresh, we want to stick with the smaller scales that are simpler, more muted, and cut with neutrals like grays or browns.

Did you ever have the classic recurring nightmare that your college sends you a letter stating that you forgot to go to one of your classes and, therefore, never actually graduated? The rest of your night becomes an endless series of slow-motion, panic-inducing setbacks and detours as you drive back to campus in your underwear to wing the make-up final for the class you never attended ten years ago. Fun night.

This is NOT what we mean by this week’s Academic Revisions theme.  We do mean to point out, however, that a lot of clothing this season is grounded in a traditional collegiate heritage, but it’s done in a more upscale way with quality materials and artisan detailing.

TRENDS:

Oxford Shirt: A classic white oxford has a great rugged texture and looks great with anything…except Snookie. Hamilton Ecru Oxford $195.00

Raw Denim: Make your own personal distress the old fashioned way–by wearing them over and over again. Sure, it takes a little longer, but the eventual destroy and color loss will be all about you. A.P.C.Rescue Raw Denim Straight Leg Jean at Context $165.00

Wing Tip Shoes: They define the word classic and just happen to be trés trendy right now.  Caution: They’re also effing expensive. Alden Wing Tip Blucher Burgundy 975 at Unionmade $599.00

Casual Ties:  Huh? Did I just voluntarily wear a tie? Try it, you’ll like it. It’s the dude’s way of sneaking in a little pattern to liven up the usual solid shirt/pant uniform. J.Crew Ties $59.50-$69.50

Backpacks:  It was only a few years ago that I swore I would never own another one.  But that was then, and this is more of a gentleman’s canvas rucksack with leather details.  Looks and sounds so much better. Filson Rucksack at Blackbird $245.00

Poor Popeye. Life at sea was rough back then, and yoga classes were few and far between. Forget his desperate cat-and-mouse relationship with Olive Oyle. Forget his pipe smoking addiction. Forget his canned spinach delusions.  Forget his grotesque, disproportionately muscled physique. What creeps us out the most about this childhood hero is the fact that one of his eyes is missing!  We can only guess it was gouged out in the worst possible way… like with a giant fish hook.  At least now his name makes sense, and we know why he’s always winking.

Our nautical theme is whistling a happier tune:

Penfield Pacjac 35th Anniversary $128.00

Loomstate Organic School’s Pocket Tee $62.00

Epaulet Modified Walt Shorts $125.00

SeaVees Desert Boots $145.00

J.Crew Military Web Belt $34.50

Sun-faded khaki cotton webbing with a distressed brass buckle and leather details.  Looks like it washed ashore after getting tossed in the waves for the afternoon.

J.Crew Military Web Belt $34.50

Don’t throw away the deodorant just yet: we’re simply talking about adding a little more texture with chambray shirts, cut-off corduroy shorts, and sun-faded v-neck tees.  Add  blips of neon with a retro running shoe.

J.Crew Broken-in No-pocket V-neck Tee $24.50

New Balance 420 Retro Running Shoes $59.50

Gap Short Sleeve Gray Chambray Shirt $49.50

An easy v-neck is the perfect default tee that goes with anything you wear this summer.  This already looks like your favorite with its sun-faded color and super soft hand feel.

J.Crew Broken-in No-pocket V-neck Tee $24.50