Excellent Joe

YELLOW

Globetrotter Suitcase at J.Crew $1750.00
Cole Haan LunarGrand Wingtips $248.00
Orlebar Brown Geo Print Swim  $240.00
Aubin & Wills French Terry Crew Neck Sweatshirt  $100.00
Limoncello Chinos at Bonobos – Men’s Shopping, Evolved $88.00
Levi’s Vintage Clothing 1960′s Stripe Tee at Steven Alan $95.00

What do you wear to a royal wedding to which you were not invited?  Great question. Since you will be attending via your couch and television, shorts and a tee-shirt are required, and eating cookies during the ceremony is customary… as is beer. You’ll probably only need about ten minutes on any channel to learn all you need to know about this glorious day of pomp and circumstance. Unfortunately, what you might like to see will not be televised.  No Prince William crapping his royal pants the night before. No royal bridezilla bitching about the horrendous lighting in Westminster Abbey. No close-ups of guests spitting the royal chicken cordon bleu into their napkins. No royal shots of Jagermeister. No royal dirty dancing with relatives. On second thought, just stay home.

TRENDS

Hybrid Sneaker Shoes: Tretorn Smogensson Suede Ebony at Bonobos $85.00

Hiking Shorts: Burkman Brothers One-Patch Pocket at Odin $175.00

Vintage Surf Graphics: Homage Surf Lake Erie $28.00

Cookies: Handmade by Downtown Cookie Co. (price varies)

The true essence of something is best revealed by juxtaposing it against its contrast.  For instance, red never looks more red than when placed next to green, its arch nemesis on the color wheel. As you get closer to the truth behind red, you see it is something that can also be heard, tasted, and felt. Ah-ha! The more you understand something, the harder it gets to define it. Deep. Now take a staunch-almost-stodgy pair of seersucker shorts and throw them with an eighties surf stoner graphic tee and a book bag that looks like it was handmade in Paris. Suddenly, the you feel so unexpectedly fresh… and American… and trés preppy but in a way that’s harder to define than any cliché Hollywood interpretation that would surely have you getting your ass kicked before the credits roll. The complex system of synapses that defines you deserves more respect. After all, you’re not just a trust fund and a few yacht club memberships; you also smoke pot and eat croissants on occasion.

TRENDS

Seersucker Shorts: BONOBOS Grey and White Seersucker Shorts $85.00

Hybrid Sneaker Shoes: Generic Surplus Plimsol Shoe at Bonobos $66.00

Leather Briefcases: Billykirk Schoolboy Satchel $355.00

Vintage Surf Graphics: Lightning Bolt Graphic Tee $28.00

After disappearing for months, the Sun shows up on your doorstep all smiley and bubbly as if nothing ever happened. Classic. Aside from refreshing your favorite weather forecasting sites three to four hundred times a day for the last five months, you’ve moved on. Your friends have finally convinced you that the Sun is just a selfish ball of noxious gases that is careless with your feelings. You’re not even going to answer the door this time… well, maybe, but just to see if It is going to apologize. Before long, you’re smiling again, sharing your first ice coffee of the season again, and laughing over lunch on your favorite patio again. By the end of the day, you are the definition of warm and fuzzy. It doesn’t hit you until you get home and run to the mirror. Burned again.

TRENDS:

Pullover Hoodies: James Perse MEN RAGLAN HOODIE in White $165.00

Bermuda Shorts: Save Khaki Marine Bermuda Shorts at Stylebop $155.00

Hybrid Sneaker Shoes: Nike Sportswear x Steven Alan Talache $115.00

Striped Tees: Sunspel Striped Pocket Tee at Unionmade $112.00

Small business guide books do not warn you about the hazards of setting up shop in a coffee house, the preferred office space for dreamers. Half your energy is spent harnessing your caffeine-induced ADD. “Do those crying infants really know they’re on a play date?” “Shouldn’t those college students be drunk instead of reciting passages from the Bible?” “Is the floor grout black or just plain disgusting?” After a long day of playing cerebral ping pong, you come home in a frazzled caffeine haze and reek of stale signature blends. You feign disgust in front of your significant other(s), but secretly you feel like a smoker getting a unexpected waft of second-hand smoke. You’re following your passion, damn-it, and it’s only been six years since that glorious idea popped into your head! Why the worried faces? Maybe it’s because you dress way better than them. Yeah, that’s it.

TRENDS:

Hybrid Sneaker Shoes: Camper Romeo $115.00

In case you haven’t noticed, there is quite a large trend happening in men’s footwear.  It’s like a dressy sneaker and devoid of any athletic brand marketing. Casual Friday on top, lazy Sunday on the bottom. A Camper brand rep likens walking in these particular hybrids to “floating on mini marshmallows.” How sweet is that?

Soft Check Shirts: Billy Reid Tuscumbia Pink and Lavender Gingham $185.00

We’re pushing subtle pattern this season–how passive aggressive of us! It’s a great way to wear color you’d normally shun. Enter pink and lavender gingham.  From a distance, this pattern reads as a solid blue. Then it’s, “Surprise! I’m not as predictable as you think I am… so eat it.”

Rain Trenches: Mackintosh Coat at Jack Spade $995.00

The impending rainy season makes us beg an important question: How are you going to stay dry during your daily coffee house crawls to find the best internet connection? We suggest the classic Mackintosh/Jack Spade rain trench in a most beautifully drab olive. Once inside, you can remove it to reveal the unexpected pop of spring pink and lavender in your shirt pattern. How’s that for foreshadowing?

Utility/Military Pants: Steven Alan for Dockers Army Pant $148.00

Military details are still going strong, but they’re more subtle than the overexposed and tired cargo pockets everyone imagines. With war all around us, we definitely don’t want to make light of the situation by dressing up like poser soldiers.  Instead, back flap pockets and front patch pockets will rev up your lower half without offending an army.