Excellent Joe

As much as I enjoy being outside this time of year, the rebirth of spring always makes me turn inward and reflect on my humble existence… as a person… on a planet… in an endless universe. I ponder the concept of infinity which always makes me shudder in the split second that I come close to understanding it. I think of the circle of life and the spawn of Snookie. I hum a few bars of the Lion King before I beat myself up for allowing my brain to become a safe haven for all the anti-knowledge, pop culture junk this universe has to offer. How did my thoughts become so impure and unnatural? Where did I go wrong?
I can’t wholly blame myself. The course of our culture has changed in ways we could’ve never imagined. Technology has played a dirty trick on us. It gave us all this free time by finding quicker, more efficient ways to do things. Now, it seems to have lost its focus in its quest to find ways to give us every detail on any topic at any given moment no matter how newsworthy the information may be. In effect, it’s wasting the time it originally freed up for us. If someone were to have pulled me aside 30 years ago to tell me that my dreams of robot dogs and hover cars would be replaced with endless conversations about fracking and Etch-a-Sketch politics, I think I would have just let my brother smother me the next time he tried to trap me in my sleeping bag.  So for now, I’ve had enough of the future for a while.  I think it’s time stop and smell the flowers… or maybe just tweet about smelling them in a figurative way.

TRENDS:

Suede Saddle Shoes: Alden for J.Crew Limited Edition Two-Tone $565.00
Short Sleeve Madras: Beams Plus Madras Shirt at Mr. Porter $175.00
Vintage Wash Denim: Wallace & Barnes Slim Fit at J.Crew $298.00
Casual Leather Briefcase: Billykirk Schoolboy Satchel at J.Crew $365.00

Everyone knows the story.  Rudolph is different. He has a red nose.  His genius parents think they’re helping by covering it up with dirt (thanks Mom and Dad). All the other bully reindeer punks not only laugh and call him names, but also won’t let him join in any reindeer games (this is well-documented). Enter the stereotypical macho loser reindeer coach who took six years to graduate from high school. Surprise! He supports the bully reindeer punks. Worst of all– Santa knows what’s happening but  looks the other way.
Feeling worthless and defeated, Rudolph runs away from home (that’s what kids did before they could post a video on YouTube). And while he’s fending off snow monsters and working in a meth lab on the Island of Misfit Toys (you know he was), everything is hunkydory back at the North Pole without that little freak show wigging everybody out.
But then one foggy Christmas Eve, Santa realizes that his universal appeal may be tarnished if he can’t get the damn toys delivered on time. “Find that little red-nosed freak show!” he shouts to the illegal elf workers. And the rest is history.
Or is it?  Rudolph and Santa haven’t spoken since that night. Not even a Christmas card.

TRENDS:

Quilted Nylon / Bombers: Marc by Marc Jacobs Quilted Bomber $360.00
Heavy-Duty Twill: Game Day Chinos Bonobos – Men’s Shopping, Evolved $88.00
Work Boots: Sebago Billykirk Chukka Bonobos – Men’s Shopping, Evolved $155.00
Vintage Wash Fleece: Marc by Marc Jacobs Washed Cotton Sweatshirt $130.00
Knit Beanie: Brixton Wide Rib Knit Beanie $24.00
Native American Motif: Pendleton Canyonlands Robe Blanket $216.00

The true essence of something is best revealed by juxtaposing it against its contrast.  For instance, red never looks more red than when placed next to green, its arch nemesis on the color wheel. As you get closer to the truth behind red, you see it is something that can also be heard, tasted, and felt. Ah-ha! The more you understand something, the harder it gets to define it. Deep. Now take a staunch-almost-stodgy pair of seersucker shorts and throw them with an eighties surf stoner graphic tee and a book bag that looks like it was handmade in Paris. Suddenly, the you feel so unexpectedly fresh… and American… and trés preppy but in a way that’s harder to define than any cliché Hollywood interpretation that would surely have you getting your ass kicked before the credits roll. The complex system of synapses that defines you deserves more respect. After all, you’re not just a trust fund and a few yacht club memberships; you also smoke pot and eat croissants on occasion.

TRENDS

Seersucker Shorts: BONOBOS Grey and White Seersucker Shorts $85.00

Hybrid Sneaker Shoes: Generic Surplus Plimsol Shoe at Bonobos $66.00

Leather Briefcases: Billykirk Schoolboy Satchel $355.00

Vintage Surf Graphics: Lightning Bolt Graphic Tee $28.00

FAUX LODGE

(Clockwise from Top Left Corner)
Buffalo Plaid Hunting Cap $34.00
Cast Resin Moose Antlers $399.00
Artisan Leather and Wood Stool $39.00
Woolrich John Rich & Bros. Arctic Cap $95.00
Executive Chrome Marshmallow Shooter $18.00
American Bird Calls – Set of Six $148.00
Norse Projects Staale Gloves $100.00
Cast Resin Deer Antlers $149.00
Thinsulate Marled Fingerless Gloves $20.00
Natural 4GB USB Memory Sticks by Guido Ooms $128.00

COFFEE TABLE TOYS

American Fashion Designers at Home $89.00
Haikubes $17.00
David Weeks Cubebot $25.00
Molecule Building Set by Ferm Living $79.00

LIT FOR THE HOLIDAYS

Harri Koskinen Large Block Lamp – Red Cord $129.00

CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE

(Clockwise from Top Left Corner)
Pendleton Plaid Weekender Bag $198.00
Billykirk Plaid Carry-All $295.00
J.W. Hulme Co. Classic Field Duffle $365.00
Billykirk Duffle $185.00

BOOKWORM IS THE NEW SEXY

The Imperfectionists: A Novel $17.00
Super Sad True Love Story: A Novel $$17.00

CAN-DO CAMS

Nikon Coolpix S1000pj with Built-In Projector $149.00
Kodak PlaySport (Zx3) HD Waterproof Pocket Video Camera (Black) $140.00

Superheadz Digital Harinezumi Sound & Video Camera $180.00

Lenses for Phone Cameras at Photojojo $40.00

SUGAR COMA THERAPY

Lollyphile Lollipops (price variable)

Cheryl & Co (price variable)

OFFICE PARTY

Writersblok Medium Notebook, Pack of 3, 5.5 x 8.25-Inches $7.00
L.L.Bean Maine Guide Plaid Duct Tape 2-Pack
Sharpie Liquid Mechanical Pencils (2) $5.00
Set Editions $8.00

Moleskine 2011 12-Month Colour-a-Month Daily Planner $36.00

CASUAL FRIDAYS

Multi-Tool Titanium Collar Stays at Bonobos $50.00

Boxsal Picnic Box $25.00

DRINKING GAMES

Filson Flask $68.00

Glass Water Bottles $33.00

ART COLLECTING 101

VHS by Hollis Brown Thornton $50.00

Jump by Thomas Prior $50.00

The Hangover Poster $30.00
Dress the Part: The Usual Suspects $30.00

THE FUTURE IN RETROSPECT

The Films of Charles & Ray Eames $150.00

The Complete Metropolis $22.00

ANGER MANAGEMENT

Do Hit Chair (request price)

TCHOTCHKE NATION

(Left to Right from Top Left)
Ceramic Polaroid Camera $70.00
Cast Iron Owl $60.00
Viennese Bosse Miniature Zoo $45.00
Clipps at Canoe $10.00
Wool Felt Coasters at Canoe $4.00

GLOBAL ISSUES

Places on Earth Print $180.00
Chalkboard Globe $450.00

THE KINDNESS OF STRANGERS

Architecture for Humanity (donations variable)
One Laptop per Child (donations variable)
100-1000: Restore Gulf of Mexico (donations variable)

THE GREAT ESCAPE

Splendia, Book Luxury Hotels and Boutique Hotels Online (sky’s the limit)
Custom Republic Aristotle Bike Gift Card $399.00 (for a whole custom bike!)
Tape Express-Tape to MP3 Converter $80.00

UNDERHANDED GIFTS

Groom Mate Platinum XL Nose & Ear Hair Trimmer $19.00
Breath Palette Toothpaste (Pick Flavor) $5.00

Meet the English professor who can literally and figuratively kick your ass.  It’s a nice balance of brains and brawn as classic menswear pieces are upgraded with rugged details: a tweed blazer with pleated flap pockets, a waxed canvas briefcase with chunky leather trim.  Layer that with denim and work boots, and you’ve got a look that will take you from tea time at the English library to center stage at the axe throwing awards banquet.

TRENDS

Checks and Tattersalls: J.Crew Secret Wash Button Down $59.50

Classic small scale pattern acts as a nice, crisp texture against the rougher textures in the blazer and denim.  It’s a sure sign that you weren’t raised by wolves.

Raw Selvedge Denim: Tellason at Unionmade $198.00

Tellason is a super high-quality, made in America denim brand that even the most snooty denim geeks applaud. (And trust us: denim geeks can be real bitches.)

Work Boots: Red Wing 6″ Moc $244.00

The key to these boots is to downplay the possible hick reference by upgrading them with a briefcase and blazer, both icons of higher education.  Unfortunately, this trick has no affect on one’s actual intelligence and may render someone dishonest.

Rugged BriefCases: Billykirk Waxed Cotton with Leather Trim at Revolve $330.00

This briefcase hates corporate America.  If it were a graphic tee, it would say, “I’d rather be writing a novel in Maine.”

Tweed Blazers: L.L. Bean Signature Wool Blazer $195.00

Blazers have been typecast!  Think of this one as a lighter weight coat, and everything will fall into place.  Wear it every day and never for looking dressed up but just as something to keep out the chill. After a few weeks, it will be that stray dog you never wanted to keep but can no longer live without.