Excellent Joe

Welcome to THIS Saturday; let’s try something different. Skip the shower; you’ve already taken thousands of them. Ignore the sticky note To Do lists that are screaming for your attention. Other than your mouth, refrain from using all other communication devices. Grab a coffee and make out with attractive strangers. (Kidding, but don’t rule out the possibility.) Head for the park with a blanky, that book you’ve been carrying around for three weeks, and your dog (borrow a friend’s if you don’t have one but everyone should have one). Read a chapter. Pet the dog. Doze off. Repeat for a couple hours. Wake up. Rake the leaves out of your beard. Head home for an early dinner of two strawberry Pop-Tarts (that you have prepared to perfection according to the instructions on the box). Go back to bed relishing in the fact that, for the first time ever, you accomplished everything you wanted to get done today: nothing.

TRENDS:

Flannel Plaids: Levi’s Vintage Clothing Shorthorn Shirts at Unionmade $225.00
Moc Boots: SeaVees Trail Boot – 5 Eye in Tobacco Oiled Buffed Leather $185.00
Gym Sweats: Shades of Grey by Micah Cohen Sweatpant in Heather Grey $110.00
Cable Knits: Oliver Spencer Chunky Cable Hat at Unionmade $68.00

Did you really need to tell the world that you checked into the Pasta Barn at 5:36pm last Saturday? Did you feel more validated as a person after 65 people “liked” that you did that?  What does that even mean anyway? Do they like you?  Do they like pasta? Do they like you eating pasta? Maybe it’s their subtle way of saying you look amazing in the pics and now they’re physically attracted to you. (Maybe you’re reading too much into it.) But wait– why didn’t Donna “like” you at the Pasta Barn? Bitch. And why did Rick “laugh out loud” about you at the Pasta Barn? Wanker. What about your friends sitting around the table watching you have conversations with people NOT at the table? Now you’re the bitch and the wanker. Maybe you’re not the same person we thought you were. Plus, it’s a stupid name for a restaurant. Unfriend.

TRENDS:

Chunky Sweaters: Burkman Brothers Military Sweater at Odin $229.00
Blanket Stripes: The Hill-Side Wool Scarf at Unionmade $129.00
Hiking Boots: Yuketen Maine Guide Boots at Need Supply $529.00
Tweed Trousers: Todd Snyder English Wool Trousers at Odin $225.00
Leather Accessories: A.P.C. Pochette Guitare Poignard at Need Supply $195.00

To live in the moment. Can it still be done with all the modern-day technology blurring the past, present and future? Has the Digital Age rendered this concept impossible? I like the notion that our brains have mastered the skill of merging all three tenses into one big happy Here & Now and don’t need to appreciate such a simplistic way of thinking anymore. Do we even know where to begin? As soon as you make the decision to savor a moment, that particular moment is gone and you have to start all over again.  It’s a vicious cycle. Plus, if you’re trying to focus on a particular moment, you really can’t do anything else other than concentrate on that instance, which would make your experience quite dull and uneventful. Facebook isn’t helping either. The act of recording an experience during the experience itself will remove you from the actual moment; therefore, you would be living in the future past moment. But wait! What if you let yourself just happen for a split second? The noise in your head goes mute and you feel perfectly in place on every level. You can’t really put it into words and you weren’t really trying to do it.  It just happened …for a moment.

TRENDS:

Selvedge Denim: Raleigh Denim Nash Rinse Straight Fit at Unionmade $285.00
Solid Neutral Shirts: Odin Heathered Button Down Shirt $195.00
Waxed Jackets: Todd Snyder Waxed Military Trench at Odin $875.00
Suede Sneakers: New Balance Suede 576′s at Unionmade $150.00
Safety Orange: Knit Cap at Need Supply $38.00 (Sold Out)

The unofficial first day of Fall happens when you leave the house in the morning and feel chilly: not chilly enough to change into something warmer, but just chilly enough to regret not doing so for the rest of the day. Coping with chilliness now consumes you. You crank up the heat in your car, set the seat warmer at three notches, and feel around the backseat for a stray jacket. Can’t. Be. Chilly. You even forego a hand warmer on your first hot coffee of the season. Hardcore. Three sips into it, you realize that you’re sweating your ass off and wish you had just stayed chilly.  You roll down the window and start the vicious cycle all over again.

TRENDS:

Solid Neutral Shirts: Gitman Brothers Overdye Vintage $165.00
Anoraks: Michael Bastian Military Anorak at Unionmade $275.00
Henley Plackets: Burkman Brothers Band Collar Fleece at Odin $139.00
Japanese Selvedge Denim: A.P.C. New Standard Jeans at Unionmade $175.00
Hiking Boots: Merrell Eagle Origins at Need Supply $110.00

For 9.1% of the population, namely the jobless, Labor Day Monday will be a nightmare. It will start with the inundation of insipid Facebook posts by the gainfully employed about giving thanks to God for an extra day off. Sideways smiley faces will be the punctuation of choice. Next, what is typically a blissful day of contemplating going to the gym or thinking about reading a book will now be a regimen of hot dogs and hamburgers and listening to insignificant others talk about how much they are dreading going back to work. After enduring an endless barrage of office tales of sticky note pranksters and rotting lunches in the fridge, you pray for Tuesday and practice napping with your eyes open. TGIT!  :)

TRENDS:

Bold Checks: Beams+ 1960′s Button Down at Unionmade $235.00
Vintage Wash Denim: Levi’s 1954 Memory 501 Jeans at Mr. Porter $285
Sportsman Blazers: Woolrich Woolen Mills Garfunkel Jacket at Unionmade $495.00
Suede Shoes: Alden Boots for J.Crew $470.00

Hurricanes blow… and suck. Our future lies in the hands of Anderson Cooper who will surely tie himself to a hotel rooftop and brave the storm for the mortal masses. Surprisingly,  however, the 360 degree live coverage of screaming in the wind and rain will have many lulls. Digitally animated worst-case scenarios of German tourists canoeing down Broadway will definitely spike the attention-o-meter, but we’ll need more to keep us tuned in, and that red CNN rain slicker ain’t going to cut it. Anderson needs to wear something that is less staged-media-monster and more on-his-way-to-the-Hamptons-and-now-this. Something that will get the tweeting world a-tingling.  Wet suede sneakers. Mysterious green jacket. Foreign languages on t-shirt. What’s it all mean? Something about hurricane safety, right?

TRENDS:

Long Sleeve Polos: Steven Alan Cropped Collar Polo $98.00
Harrington-inspired Shells: The Tiburon Jacket at Unionmade $180.00
Global Conscious Graphic Tees: Apolis Defend Tomorrow T-Shirt $58.00
Slim Fit Trousers: J.Crew Stanton Chino in 484 Slim Fit $75.00
Suede Shoes & Sneakers: Nike for J.Crew Vintage Collection Suede Tennies $90.00

Fall is almost here. No sweating. No freezing. The perfect world of indoor-outdoor bliss.  City and Country will be vying for your time, and they’ll be total bitches about it. Don’t commit. Keep stringing them along by wearing something that will work well with both leaves and bricks. It’s rugged, yet brunch-friendly. Woodsy, but with clean fingernails.

TRENDS:

Dark Plaids: Gitman Brothers Vintage Cotton Yarn Dye at Need Supply $160.00
Slim Chinos: Woolrich Woolen Mills Expo Chino at Need Supply $195.00
Parkas: Woolrich Woolen Mills Boone Parka at Need Supply $575.00
Loafers: Quoddy Penny Loafer at Need Supply $200.00

We don’t follow Harry Potter- it’s a children’s fantasy series for God’s sake! How could a story about young witches and wizards attending a boarding school hold our attention for more than ten minutes let alone ten years? We don’t follow it.

But if we did, we might delay our trip to the beach to see the final saga at the theater… and work on our miniature Harry Potter village in the basement… and search for authentic magic wands on Etsy… and add glitter to our Hermione collage over the couch. If we eventually made it to the coast, we’d wear bold stripes to remind us of Hogwarts. Long live Hogwarts!

Can’t let go. Give it time.

TRENDS:

Vintage Check Shirts:  Steven Alan Single Needle $168.00
White Shorts:  Sid Mashburn Sanded Canvas $125.00
Bold Stripes: Katin+Apolis Swim Trunk at Need Supply $128.00
Braided Uppers: Bonobos Braided Upper Flip Flop $55.00

Whether by friendly coercion or by your own volition, we know you will be attending many  a street-fair-palooza-fest-concert-parades this season. You may find yourself bloated on funnel cakes holding a newly purchased ficus tree and a 12-pack of tube socks. You may find yourself day-drunk on anonymous beer and getting your face painted like a tiger. You may find yourself fighting a crowd of sweaty strangers for free candy from the dirty clown walking alongside a flatbed float (you’ve always been competitive). Snap out of it! This is neither the time nor the place to make the most out of a bad situation.  Stay the spectator. Don’t be the spectacle. These venues are for pointing fingers and cringing at other people. Think classic and cool as you meander through the muck with a no-fail summer uniform that will still get you noticed, but for all the right reasons.

TRENDS:

Anorak Pullovers: Mt. Rainier Reversible Camo Anorak at Saturdays $375.00
Vintage Tees: Levi’s 1930′s Bay Meadow Tee at Saturdays $75.00
Chino Shorts: Tommy Chino Short at Saturdays $88.00
Skip-Ons: Rainbow Leather Sandal at Need Supply $52.00
Flat Tops: Flat Top Deep Black by Super at Need Supply $132.00

We’re going on vacation. To the Beach. My two brothers and I are packed neatly in the back seat of a wood-paneled station wagon. We’re waving behind the glare of the rear window. My mom must be taking the picture for a change because it’s a rare shot of just him in front of the car. He’s 15 years younger than I am now and is unknowingly wearing the most amazing madras shirt.
My dad, the unsung hero. The one who could end all backseat bickering with one swift swoop of The Arm. The one who let me bury him alive in the sand on an hourly basis. The one who bought me a Rocket Pop and told the guy in the truck to hold the mustard. The one who let me poke the jellyfish with a stick. The one who talked me off the ledge when I cut my toe on the gutter. The one who put me on his shoulders until we were past the breaking waves. The one who probably doesn’t think I remember all the little things he did that shaped me. But I do. Happy Father’s Day, Dad.

TRENDS:

Saturated Vintage Plaids: Gant Rugger Handloom Madras Pullover $135.00
Vintage Beach Graphics: Quality Peoples The Waves Tee at Need Supply $55.00
Cut-Offs: Gant by Michael Bastian Gab Shorts $175.00
Duffles: Gant Nautical Weekend Bag $250.00
Slip-Ons: Rainbow Hemp Sandal at Need Supply $38.00
Low Tech: iPhone 4 Walnut Paneling by Recover at Need Supply $25.00

Bananas! They build a strong case for sitting back and letting the world find a place for you.

• Gwen Stefani uses them to exert her lyrical prowess.
• Clowns maintain their trite, irrelevant brand of humor by repeatedly slipping on them.
• Feminists hold demonstrations in protest of their symbolism.
• Mary Ann has her way with Gilligan by baking them into cream pies.
• Americans use them to describe the hammocks that hold the genitalia of hairy European men slathered in sunblock.

The list goes on. Never before has a common fruit tapped into our collective psyche and turned it on its head.  Now you can work them into your own personal history by having them magically appear in your groin area whenever they get wet.  Now that sh*t is B-A-N-A-N-A-S!

TRENDS

Subtle Vintage Plaids: BONOBOS 7″ Cotton Tan and Navy Plaid Short $75.00
Neon Pops: Steven Alan Neon Yellow Reverse Seam Inside Pocket $168.00
Canvas Slip-Ons: Seavees Contrast Linen & Nubuck at James Perse $165.00
Grey Heather Tees: Apolis Standard Issue Vintage Crew Neck T-Shirt $58.00
Disappearing Banana Tricks: BONOBOS Magic Print Grey Bananas Board Short $75.00