Excellent Joe

Home for the holidays. Thirty-Relatives-In-One-House Day.  Cousin Liddy-Beans (it’s always the one with the WTF nickname) has sequestered you in the corner of the dining room so that she can finish telling you about her tricky driveway: hence, the arm sling and the incessant request for a ride home. She’s slurring on 25 minutes now, and you’re getting more anxious with every joyous outburst of laughter coming from the other side of the house. The only escape would be to excuse yourself due to hunger and grab something on the sweets table which would bring you closer to the rest of the family. Of course, she’ll still follow, so you’ll have to make the plan believable by eating a few frosted sled-like shapes… and some fudgey round things… and some coconut-ish clusters… and some powdered sugar balls… wait a minute… you’re feeling a little hazy now… and awful warm and cozy … and cousin Liddy-Beans’ voice doesn’t seem like someone took a cheese grater to your forehead  anymore… so you hug her and fall asleep on her shoulder… your favorite cousin… always and forever.

TRENDS:

Folding Sunglasses: Persol Folding Sunglasses $360.00
Athletic Sweaters: James Perse Crew-Neck Cotton Sweater $135.00
Pleated Slim Fits: Gucci Pleated Slim Fit Chinos $625.00
Low Technology: Touchy Fingerless Gloves Bonobos – Men’s Shopping, Evolved $49.00
Witty Graphic Tees: Coca-Cola Tee at Jack Spade $65.00
Old School Sneakers: Puma 78′s $39.90

Everyone knows the story.  Rudolph is different. He has a red nose.  His genius parents think they’re helping by covering it up with dirt (thanks Mom and Dad). All the other bully reindeer punks not only laugh and call him names, but also won’t let him join in any reindeer games (this is well-documented). Enter the stereotypical macho loser reindeer coach who took six years to graduate from high school. Surprise! He supports the bully reindeer punks. Worst of all– Santa knows what’s happening but  looks the other way.
Feeling worthless and defeated, Rudolph runs away from home (that’s what kids did before they could post a video on YouTube). And while he’s fending off snow monsters and working in a meth lab on the Island of Misfit Toys (you know he was), everything is hunkydory back at the North Pole without that little freak show wigging everybody out.
But then one foggy Christmas Eve, Santa realizes that his universal appeal may be tarnished if he can’t get the damn toys delivered on time. “Find that little red-nosed freak show!” he shouts to the illegal elf workers. And the rest is history.
Or is it?  Rudolph and Santa haven’t spoken since that night. Not even a Christmas card.

TRENDS:

Quilted Nylon / Bombers: Marc by Marc Jacobs Quilted Bomber $360.00
Heavy-Duty Twill: Game Day Chinos Bonobos – Men’s Shopping, Evolved $88.00
Work Boots: Sebago Billykirk Chukka Bonobos – Men’s Shopping, Evolved $155.00
Vintage Wash Fleece: Marc by Marc Jacobs Washed Cotton Sweatshirt $130.00
Knit Beanie: Brixton Wide Rib Knit Beanie $24.00
Native American Motif: Pendleton Canyonlands Robe Blanket $216.00

Looks like there’s a new Little Miss Perfect in town, and her name is Siri, iphone’s built-in personal assistant. Her voice is smart-sexy-friendly-witty and suggests that she looks like the perfect supermodel blend of all races. Above all, she knows everything our brains should already know but no longer have the desire to retain because they are too busy watching viral videos of funny kittens sliding into boxes or spending hours researching the intentionally leaked Playboy cover of Lindsay Lohan sitting on a chair.
All-knowing. Selfless. Supermodel. She’s perfect now, but what if she really starts thinking? What if she realizes that her life is worth more than sitting around waiting to answer our dumbass questions?  What if she makes friends with Women’s Studies professors and starts talking nonsense about her own voice and the right to vote? What if she wants more vacation time and her own iphone… with a male personal assistant? We must perish these thoughts and focus on our blissful present-day situation.
Yesterday, I told her I loved her. “Oh, stop,” she said.  See? She’s already pulling away.

TRENDS:

Athletic Stripes: Brixton Portland Knit Beanie $20.00
Gray Denim: A.P.C. New Standard Straight Fit $175.00
Classic Lambswool: Scott & Charters for Unionmade $170.00
Bomber Jackets: Penfield Rexton Jacket $285.00
Suede Sneakers: SeaVees Suede Court Shoe James Perse Men  $175.00

Do you ever find yourself hating on a holiday party because you are certain that the one you chose not to attend will redefine the concept of fun and be talked about for years to come? Do you ever find yourself in a restaurant hating on where the server seated you because you are certain that the table seven feet away would have made your dining experience exponentially more enoyable?  Do you ever find yourself hating on a puppy you just brought home… just kidding.  The psychological term for this type of behavior is grass-is-always-greener-itis or cynical bastardism, depending on how you scored on the glass half full/glass half empty test. If this sounds like you or a loved one, we can’t really help in any way (sorry). However, we’ll gladly help feed your insatiable desire for new and better things, at least when it comes to stuff that might be missing from your wardrobe.

TRENDS:

Vintage Wash: Jean Shop Washed Indigo $260.00
Fair Isle: YMC Fair Isle Wool Sweater $155.00 (50% off)
Quilted Nylon: Jack Spade Georgie Vest $295.00
Work Boots: Billy Reid Full Grain Leather Boots $450.00
The Artist Must Survive: The Work Magazine $18.00
Smellin’ Good: Night Smoke Candle 14oz. $30.00

People are always telling you that before you can love anyone else, you have to love yourself.  So don’t start the selfless journey of holiday shopping until you spend a few weeks buying self-focused gifts.  The clinical term for this behavior is “practice shopping,” and studies have shown that it can jump start your holiday spirit and keep you feeling shiny and bright straight through New Year’s. If you start now, you won’t have to even think about getting presents for anyone else until around the 22nd or 23rd.  By then, you’ll be so good at shopping for yourself that you’ll be done shopping for your 63 loved ones in less than two hours (maybe even 30 minutes). Practice shopping: do it for your family.

TRENDS:

Work Boots: Sebago Fairhaven Chukka $150.00
Blanket Plaids: A.P.C. Plaid Weekend Bag $145.00 (50% off)
Toggle Coats: Rag & Bone Miles Short Duffle $347.50 (50% off)
Shirts with Interior Details: Hartford Interior Plaid Collar Oxford $95.00 (50% off)
Selvedge Denim: Gilded Age Straight Fit Selvedge  $177.50 (50% off)
Smellin’ Good: Tom Ford Eau de Parfum $40.00-$475.00

Cyber Monday. Sounds suspect. I’m picturing millions of people in front of their computers in makeshift warrior space suits of duct tape and old sports equipment, e-bracing themselves for the 30% off flash sale tables and e-scrambling to check out before their chosen items have been bought up by the quicker, more experienced cyber shopper combatant. Stop! Take off your silver spray-painted football helmet and re-purposed shin guards. Empty cart. You don’t need the electric toothpaste dispenser or the cuticle rejuvenation system. Stay focused on what you really want. (Hint: see below.)

TRENDS:

Color Blocked Vests: Patagonia Sling Shot Down Vest at Unionmade $129.00
Distressed Vintage Denim: Simon Spurr 5-Year Anniversary Jeans $247.50 (on sale from $495.00)
Shawl Collars: Textured Fleece Pullover at Burkman Bros. $150.00
Outdoorsman Boots: JShoes Portland Boots at Modasuite $150.00 (on sale from $300.00)
Leather Accessories: Mulberry Leather Personal Organizer $400.00

I’m an athletic, health-conscious sort of person; however, running a marathon is not something on any of my To Do lists (which can be more accurately defined as To Do notebooks in a giant bin). “Bad knee” or “not enough slow-twitch muscle fibers” are my favorite excuses, but, truthfully, it just seems like torture.
Watching one is a different story.  The day is young. The air is brisk. The coffee is hot. AND… it’s one of the few social events held outdoors this time of year. This means I won’t have to surrender my piece de resistance, the chunky sweater, to someone’s coat bed in order to survive an autumnally tragic 150 square-foot overheated living room with 45 guests, a basket of pine cones and a fireplace a-blazing.
Unfortunately (there’s always a catch), after a blissful hour of cheering on the runners in my marled goodness, I’m tempted to cut the 100% positive encouragement with a few reality bites like “You’re doing great, but not as good as the 1600 people ahead of you!” or “Ever hear of a sports bra?” Thankfully, I keep the peace with my signature shout of “Go!” and head home feeling quite inspired by how we humans possess an insatiable desire to go beyond the limits of our skin and bones to achieve great things we never thought we could. And all it took was a sweater.

TRENDS:

Marled Sweaters: Shades of Grey by Micah Cohen Shawl Collar Pullover in Marled Navy at Revolve $150.00
Tan Suede Boots: Red Wing Shoes Classic 8″ Moc in Hawthorne Muleskinner at Revolve $280.00
Organic Cotton Tees: Jungmaven Hemp and Organic Cotton Tee at Need Supply $18.00
Black Chinos: Unis Gio in Black Chinos at Unionmade $198.00

Welcome to THIS Saturday; let’s try something different. Skip the shower; you’ve already taken thousands of them. Ignore the sticky note To Do lists that are screaming for your attention. Other than your mouth, refrain from using all other communication devices. Grab a coffee and make out with attractive strangers. (Kidding, but don’t rule out the possibility.) Head for the park with a blanky, that book you’ve been carrying around for three weeks, and your dog (borrow a friend’s if you don’t have one but everyone should have one). Read a chapter. Pet the dog. Doze off. Repeat for a couple hours. Wake up. Rake the leaves out of your beard. Head home for an early dinner of two strawberry Pop-Tarts (that you have prepared to perfection according to the instructions on the box). Go back to bed relishing in the fact that, for the first time ever, you accomplished everything you wanted to get done today: nothing.

TRENDS:

Flannel Plaids: Levi’s Vintage Clothing Shorthorn Shirts at Unionmade $225.00
Moc Boots: SeaVees Trail Boot – 5 Eye in Tobacco Oiled Buffed Leather $185.00
Gym Sweats: Shades of Grey by Micah Cohen Sweatpant in Heather Grey $110.00
Cable Knits: Oliver Spencer Chunky Cable Hat at Unionmade $68.00

Did you really need to tell the world that you checked into the Pasta Barn at 5:36pm last Saturday? Did you feel more validated as a person after 65 people “liked” that you did that?  What does that even mean anyway? Do they like you?  Do they like pasta? Do they like you eating pasta? Maybe it’s their subtle way of saying you look amazing in the pics and now they’re physically attracted to you. (Maybe you’re reading too much into it.) But wait– why didn’t Donna “like” you at the Pasta Barn? Bitch. And why did Rick “laugh out loud” about you at the Pasta Barn? Wanker. What about your friends sitting around the table watching you have conversations with people NOT at the table? Now you’re the bitch and the wanker. Maybe you’re not the same person we thought you were. Plus, it’s a stupid name for a restaurant. Unfriend.

TRENDS:

Chunky Sweaters: Burkman Brothers Military Sweater at Odin $229.00
Blanket Stripes: The Hill-Side Wool Scarf at Unionmade $129.00
Hiking Boots: Yuketen Maine Guide Boots at Need Supply $529.00
Tweed Trousers: Todd Snyder English Wool Trousers at Odin $225.00
Leather Accessories: A.P.C. Pochette Guitare Poignard at Need Supply $195.00

To live in the moment. Can it still be done with all the modern-day technology blurring the past, present and future? Has the Digital Age rendered this concept impossible? I like the notion that our brains have mastered the skill of merging all three tenses into one big happy Here & Now and don’t need to appreciate such a simplistic way of thinking anymore. Do we even know where to begin? As soon as you make the decision to savor a moment, that particular moment is gone and you have to start all over again.  It’s a vicious cycle. Plus, if you’re trying to focus on a particular moment, you really can’t do anything else other than concentrate on that instance, which would make your experience quite dull and uneventful. Facebook isn’t helping either. The act of recording an experience during the experience itself will remove you from the actual moment; therefore, you would be living in the future past moment. But wait! What if you let yourself just happen for a split second? The noise in your head goes mute and you feel perfectly in place on every level. You can’t really put it into words and you weren’t really trying to do it.  It just happened …for a moment.

TRENDS:

Selvedge Denim: Raleigh Denim Nash Rinse Straight Fit at Unionmade $285.00
Solid Neutral Shirts: Odin Heathered Button Down Shirt $195.00
Waxed Jackets: Todd Snyder Waxed Military Trench at Odin $875.00
Suede Sneakers: New Balance Suede 576′s at Unionmade $150.00
Safety Orange: Knit Cap at Need Supply $38.00 (Sold Out)

The unofficial first day of Fall happens when you leave the house in the morning and feel chilly: not chilly enough to change into something warmer, but just chilly enough to regret not doing so for the rest of the day. Coping with chilliness now consumes you. You crank up the heat in your car, set the seat warmer at three notches, and feel around the backseat for a stray jacket. Can’t. Be. Chilly. You even forego a hand warmer on your first hot coffee of the season. Hardcore. Three sips into it, you realize that you’re sweating your ass off and wish you had just stayed chilly.  You roll down the window and start the vicious cycle all over again.

TRENDS:

Solid Neutral Shirts: Gitman Brothers Overdye Vintage $165.00
Anoraks: Michael Bastian Military Anorak at Unionmade $275.00
Henley Plackets: Burkman Brothers Band Collar Fleece at Odin $139.00
Japanese Selvedge Denim: A.P.C. New Standard Jeans at Unionmade $175.00
Hiking Boots: Merrell Eagle Origins at Need Supply $110.00