Excellent Joe

When braving the elements this time of year, you can never be too careful. A chilly breeze out of nowhere. An unexpected light drizzle. A puddle to negotiate. Sudden sunniness. Clearly, the world will end next year as predicted. But let’s focus on the immediate crises at hand: Shorts or pants? Jacket or raincoat? Iced tea or hot coffee? You need to be able to adapt on a dime; otherwise, simple tasks like parking the car and walking to a restaurant could end in slight discomfort. Relax. We’ve got you covered. Bring it on, rogue leaf!

EDITOR’S NOTE: In no way do we intend to downplay the horrific disasters in Japan.  Contrarily, we’re quite thankful and feel lucky to have the luxury of obsessing over the daily mundane.  If you’re reading this, you’ve got it really good even if you think you don’t. Help support Japan here.

TRENDS:

Waxed Cotton Shells: Noodle Park Primo Utility Jacket at Bonobos $310.00

Classic Chino Shorts: Bonobos Graham Canyon Washed Chino Shorts $65.00

Vintage Tees: Velva Sheen Vintage Oatmeal Pocket Tee $70.00 (Two-Pack)

Old School Sneakers: New Balance 420 Retro Running Shoes $59.99

After disappearing for months, the Sun shows up on your doorstep all smiley and bubbly as if nothing ever happened. Classic. Aside from refreshing your favorite weather forecasting sites three to four hundred times a day for the last five months, you’ve moved on. Your friends have finally convinced you that the Sun is just a selfish ball of noxious gases that is careless with your feelings. You’re not even going to answer the door this time… well, maybe, but just to see if It is going to apologize. Before long, you’re smiling again, sharing your first ice coffee of the season again, and laughing over lunch on your favorite patio again. By the end of the day, you are the definition of warm and fuzzy. It doesn’t hit you until you get home and run to the mirror. Burned again.

TRENDS:

Pullover Hoodies: James Perse MEN RAGLAN HOODIE in White $165.00

Bermuda Shorts: Save Khaki Marine Bermuda Shorts at Stylebop $155.00

Hybrid Sneaker Shoes: Nike Sportswear x Steven Alan Talache $115.00

Striped Tees: Sunspel Striped Pocket Tee at Unionmade $112.00

We love the abstract firecracker motif on these perfectly fitting OB’s at Bonobos. This pattern packs a lot of punch without stealing the scene from them prize-worthy pecs you worked so hard to achieve… or buy. Add the silver slides and give a whole new meaning to the term lead foot.  Dull down the bling with a few swipes of fine sandpaper.  You’re gonna make them go Aah-Aah-Aah!

TRENDS:

Nonfloral Pattern Swim: Orlebar Brown Blue & White Bulldogs at Bonobos $245.00

Vintage Surf Graphics: Saturdays Slash Tee $30.00

Slides: adilette Slides by Adidas $25.00

Colored Lens Aviators: Salt Vargas TS Grey at Saturdays NYC $387.50

Here’s a foolproof look for even the most upscale of beach destinations.  Half high-end tourist and half island local, it mixes utilitarian textures like coarse canvas and waxed twill with more luxurious materials like faux-tortoise shell and dark leather. The main attraction is the fatigue-style drawstring swimsuit with raw edge hem. French lessons sold separately.

TRENDS:

Military Details in Swim: Relwen Fatigue Surf Short at Steven Alan $138.00

Vintage Frame Sunglasses: Moscot Hyman Tortoise $285.00

Heritage Backpacks: Ernest Alexander Grey Waxed Twill Rucksack at Bonobos $495.00

Canvas Slip-ons: Vans Bali Kicks $40.00

When people aren’t ogling over your soon-to-be washboard abs, they’ll be oohing and aahing at your furry friend below the waist. So if you’re apprehensive about the world shifting focus to your nether region, you’ve got a couple months to grow some you-know-whats and enjoy the attention. As for the dude tank? The rule here is simple: if you’ve got the guns, you’ve got the greenlight to wear one, but never ever with long pants or a farmer’s tan.

TRENDS:

Placed Prints on Swim: Orlebar Brown Labradors at Bonobos $285

Striped Tanks: Burkman Brothers Slub Jersey Tank at Odin NY $79.00

Mesh Shoes: Generic Surplus Mesh Slip On $60.00

Hybrid Shirt Jackets: Penfield Campbell Chambray Hoodie Shirt $115.00

America’s most revered stoner surfer, Jeff Spicoli, was played by Sean Penn in the now classic film, Fast Times at Ridgemont High. What if, after repeating eleventh grade for the third time, Spicoli realized that there was more to life than “tasty waves and a cool buzz?”  What if he cleaned up his act but kept his laid back attitude? How would he look today?

TRENDS:

Retro Board Shorts: Lightning Bolt Pelican Cotton Nylon Boardshorts at Saturdays NYC $68.00

Pullover Hoodies: Levi’s Oatmeal Heather Hoodie at Saturdays NYC $158.00

Canvas Slip-ons: Vans Hemp Rata Vulc Shoe $40.00

Awning Stripes: Linen Deck Towel $85.00-$175.00

True surf life is not all leis and ukeleles; at times, it’s grueling and stressful. Being a poser has its perks: 1) Sharks can’t eat you. 2) There is no threat of someone snaking your wave. 3) Friends won’t heckle you for focusing on a career. 4) The pressure to be drunk before noon is non-existent. 5) You won’t betray The Wave if you wear surf-inspired clothing by a non-surf brand.

TRENDS

Old School Sneakers: Adidas Gazelle OG Shoes $80.00

Can’t get enough of the vintage sneaks? These lovelies are technically “blue suede shoes” which means Elvis surely would be proud.

Utility Chinos: Left Field Organic Cotton Canvas Chino $150.00

100% ringspun organic cotton canvas, Corozo button fly, Japanese chambray pocket bags, and made in LA. These overachievers not only look good on paper but even gooder on your lower half.

Vintage Beach Graphics: Levi’s Black Beach Crewneck at Unionade $79.00

The rattier the graphic tee, the more loved it is.  They’re like adult security blankets in disguise.  Coffee stains and pen marks welcome. Size down for a more body-conscious fit.

Nautical Stripes: Obey Au Portant Striped Hoodie at Need Supply $58.00

Yup! It’s terry cloth. Give it a few washings to expedite an uneven, slubby texture. Warm-weather cozy at it’s best.

Warmish weather always inspires thoughts of being seaside. Misty, salty days. Endless, starry nights. Pondering the horizon and life’s big picture. Who cares about your cold, wet feet when everything else at the moment feels so warm and wonderful… even if you’re still stuck in Columbus.

TRENDS

Bold Stripes: Gant Rugger Awning Stripe Oxford at Bonobos $115.00

Bolder stripes are the new plaid, and we prefer them muted in oxford fabrications so that people don’t think you’re on a break from the ice cream truck or the popcorn machine.

Utility/Military Shells: Gant Rugger Overboard Jacket at Bonobos $325.00

We love the pop of safety orange in this coastal cover-up. It’s a classic military shell with blips of optimism rather than vestiges of death and destruction.  Happy thoughts.

Boat Shoes: Sperry Two-Eye Boat Shoe at Need Supply $75.00

The boat shoe has been in the limelight for a couple of seasons now, and the update for this spring is a roll out of them in preppy colors. We’ve chosen the most versatile solid navy style, but feel free to go nuts with a two-tone super prep version. Over-the-shoulder cable-knit sweaters prohibited. Yachts are not necessary, but oh the friends you’d make!

Vintage Wash Denim: Earnest Sewn Fulton Classic Straight Leg $225.00

Another favorite pair of straight legs with authentic wear and distress.  Not too baggy, not too skinny. Gently worn but not contrived and over-processed as so much denim seems to be these days: exotic dancers should look for jeans elsewhere.

Small business guide books do not warn you about the hazards of setting up shop in a coffee house, the preferred office space for dreamers. Half your energy is spent harnessing your caffeine-induced ADD. “Do those crying infants really know they’re on a play date?” “Shouldn’t those college students be drunk instead of reciting passages from the Bible?” “Is the floor grout black or just plain disgusting?” After a long day of playing cerebral ping pong, you come home in a frazzled caffeine haze and reek of stale signature blends. You feign disgust in front of your significant other(s), but secretly you feel like a smoker getting a unexpected waft of second-hand smoke. You’re following your passion, damn-it, and it’s only been six years since that glorious idea popped into your head! Why the worried faces? Maybe it’s because you dress way better than them. Yeah, that’s it.

TRENDS:

Hybrid Sneaker Shoes: Camper Romeo $115.00

In case you haven’t noticed, there is quite a large trend happening in men’s footwear.  It’s like a dressy sneaker and devoid of any athletic brand marketing. Casual Friday on top, lazy Sunday on the bottom. A Camper brand rep likens walking in these particular hybrids to “floating on mini marshmallows.” How sweet is that?

Soft Check Shirts: Billy Reid Tuscumbia Pink and Lavender Gingham $185.00

We’re pushing subtle pattern this season–how passive aggressive of us! It’s a great way to wear color you’d normally shun. Enter pink and lavender gingham.  From a distance, this pattern reads as a solid blue. Then it’s, “Surprise! I’m not as predictable as you think I am… so eat it.”

Rain Trenches: Mackintosh Coat at Jack Spade $995.00

The impending rainy season makes us beg an important question: How are you going to stay dry during your daily coffee house crawls to find the best internet connection? We suggest the classic Mackintosh/Jack Spade rain trench in a most beautifully drab olive. Once inside, you can remove it to reveal the unexpected pop of spring pink and lavender in your shirt pattern. How’s that for foreshadowing?

Utility/Military Pants: Steven Alan for Dockers Army Pant $148.00

Military details are still going strong, but they’re more subtle than the overexposed and tired cargo pockets everyone imagines. With war all around us, we definitely don’t want to make light of the situation by dressing up like poser soldiers.  Instead, back flap pockets and front patch pockets will rev up your lower half without offending an army.

This year, Spring is like that perpetually late friend who always has to greet you with an exasperated, “Sorry, I’m late!” And you have somehow managed to let said friend dictate your weekends with a slew of preposterous excuses and broken promises.  You play the waiting game by wondering if patience is overrated and needs to be downgraded from a virtue to a lesser title. You plan a stinging reprimand and fantasize about your dramatic exit.  You tell yourself the friendship is over. Finally, Spring arrives, and you can’t imagine life without your beautiful friend from as far back as you can remember. “You look great,” she says. “Sorry, I’m late.”

TRENDS:

Textural Polos: Burkman Brothers Slub Jersey at Odin $95.00

Polos aren’t just for brand icons anymore. In fact, lots of brands are kicking the little vermin to the curb and focusing on textural fabrics and placket details to rev up this category. Bonus: body-conscious fit brings out the best in your pecs while keeping your lingering Christmas-cookie-laden midsection under wraps.

Vintage Wash Denim: Levi’s 1954 501z Pitchfork Wash at Unionmade $235.00

These jeans are cooler than cool and in the most classic of ways. Wearing them would make you guilty by association. I mean, look at them.

Old School Sneakers: Puma Whirlwind Classics $60.00

Question of the day:  Do we call sneakers sneakers because their innovative rubber soles made them much quieter than their clunky predecessors, enabling them to perform tasks that might be deemed sneaky?  This sweet interpretation has a tread that curls over the front toe, a must-have detail for the alpha geeks of my middle school days and one that I still need today to help bring me back to that time where crowding into a cafeteria booth with all your friends on Tostada Day was all you needed to make the world feel wonderful with endless joy.

Baseball-style Jackets: Gant Rugger Varsity at Bonobos $265.00

When Bonobos posted this jacket on their site, we almost licked the screen we loved it so much. With a nylon body against a striped rib collar, cuffs and waistband, it’s a modern take on a classic style.  Perfect for Spring, whenever she shows up.  In the meantime, have a Bloody Mary and chill out.

Don’t get us wrong, we still love a good Paul Bunyan wannabe, but as the weather warms up, all that Great American Outdoor layering goodness doesn’t make much sense.  And nobody wants to chop wood in flannel shirts and shorts either, unless, of course, you’re in an ambiguously gay editorial shoot for a 1950s physique magazine. This situation is highly unlikely, given its temporal impossibility.  This spring seems to be all about updating the tried and true with the here and now: offsetting classics with refreshing, unexpected pieces. Here, we’ve reinvented the traditional oxford and chinos ensemble by introducing it to new friends: a sporty track jacket and some beat up saddle shoes.

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